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Charlie
Moderator
5432 posts
5432 posts

# Posted: 28 Jan 2007 20:10


These New Rules Of The Office will be effective immediately...

DRESS CODE:
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary, if we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers & carrying a $600 Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.

SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

SURGERY:
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

PERSONAL DAYS:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

VACATION DAYS:
All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, July 4 & Dec. 25

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have
non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the workis done.

OUT FROM YOUR OWN DEATH:
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your own replacement.

RESTROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with 'A will go from 8 to 8:20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the
next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees' supervisors in writing must approve this exchange.

LUNCH BREAK:
Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to get a balance meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast & take a diet pill.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Have a nice week.


We can never go back to the way it was...
KittenClaw22
Member
4924 posts4924 posts
# Posted: 28 Jan 2007 20:19


When I seen the name of this thread I was ready to read some drama about why ya'll are pissed and/or disappointed in us. ahahah

That's funny, it sort of reminds me of CIGNA HealthCare's employee policy.


[img]http://www.danasoft.com/sig/kittenclaw22.jpg[/img]
Ragdoll
Member
2080 posts
2080 posts

# Posted: 29 Jan 2007 09:09


Nice!


Bridget

0.0.2 Red Eyes (RETF)
1.2.1 Crested Geckos
1.2 Corn snakes (Sunglow Motley-Stripe, Amel, Sunglow Motley)
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Charlie
Moderator
5432 posts
5432 posts

# Posted: 29 Jan 2007 09:51


Drama...? We don't want no drama, drama.


We can never go back to the way it was...
Dakhota
Member
3302 posts
3302 posts

# Posted: 29 Jan 2007 17:58


No no drama, no no no no drama. So don't pull on my hand boy, you ain't my man boy, I just wanna dance boy and move my hump, my hump, my hump my hump . . . .

Sorry, couldn't resist. You had me singing Charlie.


3.0.2 White's Tree Frogs
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2.0.0 Cats - R.I.P Dakhota and Wolfgang
Charlie
Moderator
5432 posts
5432 posts

# Posted: 29 Jan 2007 19:03


lol, that's okay baby. It's been stuck in my head since then too.


We can never go back to the way it was...
Hayden
Member
2943 posts
2943 posts

# Posted: 29 Jan 2007 21:42


Hahaha, damn I hate that song, but when you hear it you can't get it out of your head for at least a day and a half!!!

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